Cold and Ugly (bigmouthinacoma) wrote,
Cold and Ugly
bigmouthinacoma

A letter I wrote to myself

Dear Carmine,
Remember how you would watch George Carlin and Lewis Black and Mitch Hedberg and all those others and think to yourself "God damn I wish I could do that?"

You can do that now. But get off your ass and do it. You did it once almost a year ago and it went over like fucking GANGBUSTERS. So get off your ass, get to work, and do that shit again. You finally understand how funny you are and that people actually like you. You've learned how to be yourself and guess what? People like you a lot more when you're honest instead of trying to impress them, and that translates nicely into your comedy.

With regards to your conversations with Marisa this past week: Now may seem like a time to gloat at her out of spite about how much more awesome your life is than hers right now, but I'm gonna need to ask you to ignore that urge as best you can. You owe her at least that much. And yeah, you feel bad for her, but if you go back to being the spiteful bitter cynical person you were six years ago then it just shows that you haven't grown up at all, and we all know that's not true. Remember back in the day whenever Marisa would get a new boyfriend? You would act like it was the end of the world (partly out of bitterness, partly out of jealousy, but still). It was a good thing that was happening to her and you acted like a god damn child because things weren't going well for YOU. The frustration was understandable, but now you've got karma breathing down your neck and it's your turn to play the supportive best friend. I know you can. You learned from the best.

But that's all moot in the big picture. For better or worse, Marisa will get through this. Allow me to return to my original point. You are good at things. Things that, whether you knew it or not, have wanted to be good at since you were 11 years old. NURTURE THAT. Don't be lazy and suppress it. You worry about ever doing standup again because you haven't written anything since last year and now you think you're too rusty or whatever. Well, I can tell you an easy way to fix that: WRITE STUFF. You've already proven to yourself that Carmine being Carmine is entertaining enough. You have the raw material, now you need to actually create.

Finally, you've hit a bit of a rough patch this past semester. But for God's sake don't get discouraged now. Put more of yourself into your classes and the work won't seem so hard or tedious. Learn to actually care about what you're doing and just do it. You can get fantastic grades. You have before. AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT HOW YOUR GRADES STACK UP AGAINST EVERYONE ELSE'S. Yeah, you meet a lot of snotty braggarts in college, but at the end of the day, it's worth the sacrifice of a tenth of a point in your GPA to not have your head up your ass.

Well, I hope we can both learn something from this and I'm looking forward to seeing how you implement these suggestions. Let me know how that goes.

Take it easy,
Carmine.
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I respect you, and this.
like i told you before, this letter affected me emotionally.

i <3 you, carmine.

xox